Dramă la teatru

Un scâncet abia auzit, de pe buzele-unei fete
Îşi părăseşte lăcaşul, dând viaţă sălii mute
Şi-n timp ce publicul aşteaptă o confesiune şi regrete
Se-neacă într-o mare de suflete tăcute.

Dar şi tăcerea-i un răspuns,
Sub ea se-ascunde uriaşul zid
Ce pentru fată-i ca de nepătruns
Dar pentru public fiecare cărămidă e un gând perfid.

Şi nimeni din întreaga sală n-o să-i spună
Cu ce-a greşit, cu ce i-a supărat.
În mintea lor vor doar să o răpună,
Acu-s regizori şi explicaţii n-au de dat.

Şi într-un colţ de sală, ea, personajul principal,
Deplânge liniştea, de ea i-e tare dor.
Dar publicul nu vrea lacrimi, să plângă-i prea banal.
N-ar fi mai bine să o vadă murind încetişor?

De ce ar ajuta-o? De ce replici nu-nvaţă?
De ce –i nesigură pe propriul rol?
La urma urmei, desprins din propria ei viaţă,
E uragan, tornadă, nu vânticel domol.

Pe scena vieţii sale e chiar protagonistă
Dar nimeni nu i-a spus că suflete meschine
Vor transforma piesa într-o baladă tristă
Ce are multe strofe, iar ca refren: suspine.

Şi publicul aşteaptă ca ea să nege zvonuri
Deşi nu crede că-i personajul pozitiv
Iar sala-acum răsună de-acuzatoare tonuri
Care-i distrug întregul spirit, l-atacă incisiv.

Sfârşită şi învinsă l-al vieţii Pentatlon
Cade pe scenă, deznodământ mult aşteptat.
Nimic nu mai contează, că-i parte din scenariu, sau că-i zvon,
După atâtea răutăţi să moară i-a fost dat.

Veronica. Being Erica.

Oana. Not on the catwalk but still

Azi vreau sa uit ca...

Azi vreau să uit c-am învăţat să plâng
Că m-am gândit la tine atâtea nopţi la rând.
C-am suspinat pân-am cedat învinsă de-oboseală
C-am râs de cei ce-au zis: „Iubirea nu-i banală!”

Azi vreau să uit că cerul nu mai e albastru ca-nainte.
Că lumea minte, indiferent că-ţi face jurăminte.
Că soarele nu mai răsare-n fiecare zi, de după nori, tiptil
Că a murit copilăria, că nu mai sunt copil.

Azi vreau să uit ca lumea are defecte
Că le ascunde zilnic sub măşti deteriorate, sperând că nu-s suspecte.
Că măştile acestea maschează un simplu interes
Că lumea-şi urmăreşte numai al său succes.

Azi vreau să uit c-am reprimat urâtul de mult prea multe ori
C-am acordat iertare şi când mi-a dat fiori.
Că nimănui nu-i pasă atunci când îmi e bine
Că dacă îmi e rău, întreabă orişicine.

Azi vreau să uit că dacă scriu de jale şi durere
Lumea e sigură că moralul meu de asta gradat piere.
Şi dacă scriu de viaţă, de un suflet viu,
Lumea caută să-mi strice avântul şi să nu mai scriu.

Azi vreau să uit că nu mai pot să spun tot ce am vrut
Că toate sentimentele şi gândurile-apun
Că va rămâne în mine un simplu cântec mut,
Pierdut, şi în final, făcut de tine scrum.

Be my forever Valentine

Coldness, that’s what she felt. These shivers which she had in some mornings when she was getting out of bed were chilling her soul once more. This was getting kind of annoying. Nightmares waking her up in the middle of the night, anger thoughts passing through her mind in the blink of an eye, making her a volcano filled with hot lava. It wasn’t the first time, and Alec was the only one who knew her moods, but still, this was one of the worse she had experimented. She felt the urge to scream, to reproach issues, to scream again, to hit and cut mentally through someone. She got out of bed, got slippers in her feet [“Cold feet is all I need right now” she added sarcastically] and went in the living room where she found him sitting in his favorite red armchair, with the laptop on his lap. He was searching for something so intensively that he wasn’t paying attention when she came in, so she felt the urge to raise her voice, tilting one eyebrow up:
“Morning, darling!”
“Good morning, sweetie! You got up early… why?” he said, as he uplifted his head, waiting for his usual sweet morning kiss. He saw that she was upset, but the stuff he had been looking on the internet was just about to be found and he was sure that it would have cheered her up. He was planning on proposing her right on Valentine’s day, which was today, a perfect day, right as his beautiful and perfect girlfriend, who unfortunately was always insecure when it came to her qualities. Alec knew that she had days when she was waking up and made a drama out of nothing, so an upset face meant that today was one of those days.
“Crap… can’t you just be normal? I`m waking up, my being mentally torn apart and you are waiting for a kiss! Can’t you just ask me why I`m angry about?”
“No, I`m not!” he said, grinning his teeth, still with his face blocked by the information he needed to find on the Internet. He was searching for the perfect place to spend their weekend far away from the real world. “First of all, because you`ll tell me anyway, love! And second of all because I`m sure it’ll pass eventually. It always does!” he said, continuing to search on and on through the online pages.
Carmen was fully pissed off because the shivers were still there and she released her entire rage on her beloved trying to escape from them, like they were some ghosts following her.
“I`m here and I love you even though there’ll always be a girl running after you, trying to steal you away from me, even though you like to blabber things about being the best and so on. I love you with all your flaws! Just this time, be normal and ask me why I`m angry about!” she said.
“Normal? What the heck does normal mean? No one’s normal when it comes to love. You’re reproaching me that I have flaws? Ok, so I have flaws. Leave them behind! You’re making a mess out of nothing! You’re creating chaos right in the middle of our calm. It’s February, it’s winter and it’s Valentine’s Day. I want to feel your warmth, I`m cold. Could you just forget my flaws for one day so we could rejoice this day in peace?” he said.
“I`m pathetic… how could someone like you be loved by someone like me?” Carmen said, angry for her incompetency to stop, even though she wanted to. Those shivers were still giving her the creeps, although now, they changed her temperature, burning her system from head to toes.
“Ok, you started it, let’s continue then Mrs. Perfection!” he said as he rose up from the armchair he was resting. He wasn’t going to fight, but he knew her very well, and by the looks of it, Carmen’s anger wasn’t going to finish so fast, so he finally decided to let her pour it out. He slowly closed the laptop and sat it on the little table next to the armchair as he went in front of her, looking at her right in the eyes.
“I`m not saying that I`m perfect! That’s far from my point! So damn far that it could be similar with you staying at the shore and the problem that I`m talking about would be in the middle of the ocean!”.
“Well… let me go there and drown myself. Maybe then I`ll find your point!”
“I`m not happy saying this, trust me, I ain’t, but I`ve had it! You can’t possibly love me! I`m not skinny like all those supermodels you watch on TV or as beautiful as a girl from a cover magazine. I`m me and “me” is who loves you more than anything in this world, but I don’t think that “me” is enough for you ”replied Carmen strengthening the acid in the voice as she said the last phrase.
“Did I ask you to be a supermodel? Did I say: Carmen, be a model? I don’t care if you’re not skinny as them! I don’t care if you`re not on a cover of a magazine, I wouldn’t share you with the rest of the world. How could I not keep just for myself these little two melted chocolate candies hidden behind your fragile lids, which seem to seal your soul from all the malice in the world?? Would you share me with anyone else?”
“No! I would never share these two pieces of a lapis lazuli stone, washed in a deep ocean of tenderness, half hidden under your thick dark rye eyebrows that sometimes look at me like I`m the only one in the world that they would want to see. I wouldn’t… They’re part of the being I most love. But you’re not me! How can I be sure of your love if all you do is talk about my beauty? You said you loved my hair each and every time you weaved strands of it, breathing it in as you put your face in it. I don’t need to say anything about yours, because I curl my fingers in that field of rye each time I have the chance, each time your hands are around my waist as we curl our bodies in a tender kiss. You said you loved me for who I am, because I`m beautiful and because of my eyes that seem to glow each time I smile. Appearance, that’s all that is when it comes to you!” Carmen ended her speech, gasping for air, ‘cause she had none. She realized that the shivers were passing slowly away.
“You’re being paranoiac, love! I never tell you why I love you ‘cause I`m too afraid to admit that you’re the world to me. As for the girls who chase after me, I could say that I`m glad that you were one of them, or else we would’ve never had the chance to know each other. I was too shy to tell you that I liked you from the first time I saw you. I was lucky that you chose me.” Alec said, putting one hand around Carmen’s waist, pulling her closer to him. That was always a way of calming her inside chaos.
Carmen was already feeling better. She had no idea why she was so angry to start with but his sea-like eyes were warming her inside, and her bad mood passed completely. She was about to kiss him, but then she looked into his eyes, and they felt shy… somehow. Fear of a failure was written on their blue surface and she had no idea why.
“Why are you scared? You’ve already calmed me down as you always do. I guess I have to be thankful for you knowing my temper as well as you do. Everyone so far, except you, has troubles with my bad moods. I think you’re immune. So… why the frightened eyes? Have I finally crossed your patience line? Am I in trouble?”
Alec looked at her, quite amused of her so quickly changing moods. He was used to it, but it was still very funny. Carmen was such a delight, even with her anger, even with the problems of her self-esteem. He had the ring hidden in the socks drawer, underneath them, but he had to let go of her in order to get it, and he was sure that she would’ve been shocked and that she would’ve misinterpreted if he left in that moment. Well… it was worth a try. He pulled himself from her, and ran so he could return faster. Carmen was shocked, shocked like she had never been before. “He finally got tired of me, and he can’t bare my scenes anymore” Carmen thought as she crashed on the floor, with her eyes drowning in tears.
Alec came as fast as he could. He expected her to think that way, but he also expected her to get over it as soon as she would see the ring.
“Carmen, hey, Carmen, get up! I want to show you something!”
“Leave me alone”, Carmen said, keeping her eyes on the floor. “Why did you come back? Just to tell me you’re leaving? Leave if you want, but don’t ask me to watch the love of my life go away just because of my stupid mistakes, ‘cause I won’t. I can’t!”
“Carmen!!! Look at me!”
When she finally got up from the floor, her face was soaked in tears and she was still looking at the floor. She didn’t have the guts to look him in the eyes knowing that it would be the last time she would have the chance to do it.
As she got up, to her surprise, Alec got down in one knee. She got stuck… where the hell had she seen the boy standing in one knee and the girl standing up? Alec gave her no time to think, no time to realize that she had her hand about to be asked. He said just six simple words that were about to turn her life upside down:
“Would you be my forever Valentine?”

Love letter

So it’s spring here in my soul
Melting what was once so cold.
I`m waiting to be in your arms’ embrace
And for your cheek to rub against my face.
And I`ve left my worries all behind
I`ve locked my fears into the darkest place, their hands are tied
Their eyes are surely blind.
I have set loose to all that’s dirty and impure
My self is tired from all the stuff he has to endure.
I’m not absurd, I do not ask too much
Although right now I`m yearning for your touch.
Your fingers will play with thick strands of my hair,
You`ll breath me in like oxygen, like air.
Your scent and mine will be mixed in a cocktail
Carried by a waiter on the lands of a tale
Where monsters will attack with their terrible claws
Where greed and envy will chew happiness in their jaws,
But “us” shall resist through the roughness of days
‘cause my heart is so warm as your head on it lays.
The beats of our hearts will be playing by ear
And they’ll set on mute what they don’t want to hear.
One of your hands will trace circles on my spine
And the other will rest in mine, they`ll be intertwined.
Then considering that we’ve made it so far,
We`ll be forever young and dreamy, all lovers always are.

Timişoara & T4T

Denying the sun

I think it must’ve been easy to solve our issues the way you did. Cowardly, you abandoned the stage of our love theater and you left me behind as an incomplete actress with a poor and single role… this fake happiness doesn’t fit me, you know that and still you left!!! I remained here, confronting the nightmares of a life without you, fighting with the sadness that is damaging my system every day. I stayed here in this universe that has ceased to function by the laws of nature from the moment you stepped out of it. 
Tell me what should I do to escape the love I feel for you. I would rip my heart from my chest if I could survive without it. Society lacks noble feelings, so if I rip my heart off and feed people with the love inside it, they would surely be grateful for it. This feeling seems to have its own life since it grew for you, it needs its own planet. I would give it to the ones that need love like they need to breathe. People that would gladly receive it, that wouldn’t throw it away, leaving it to rot like you did. This amount inside me would be a lifetime supply if it would turn into air. I don’t need that kind of air, not that much, because I feel it chocking me each day. I want it out of me!
Give me back my peaceful days! The ones in which I could’ve rest in full serenity without thinking of your sea-like eyes. The ones where I didn’t need to recall your face in my mind or to cross my fingers between the strands of your hair with its rye sweet color just to get anxious, happy, dreamy, all ruined and deceived by your complete absence.
I want to be able to get this love out from me. It’s like a plasma field around my being, just like the skin that covers my body. I wish that it could be a two pieces outfit, so that I could wear one at a time. I’ve been thinking and maybe I could handle half of it. At least I could try…
You are the one that has stripped me of my sanity, surrounding me with all this love and then leaving me like nothing has ever happened between us.
At the end of the day I may have changed my mind. I wouldn’t give up my love for you. It’s unbearable to even think about it. You’re my all, my reason to be me, myself and I.

Bitter memories

“Was there much pain?” the girl asked climbing on her grandmother’s knees. “Tell me, please, because I want to know. My grandpa wasn’t always like this, I`m sure of that. Sometimes, looking in his eyes I can see joy, peace, even though one second later it turns into grief and melancholia. It isn’t fair, he shouldn’t be like this!”
“I know, darling, I totally agree with you”, said grandma as she received her niece in her arms. “Alec wasn’t always like this, and it’s been years since that tragedy happened, but he isn’t a fast healer. I actually can say that he isn’t a healer at all. He can never forget what happens, not even time can help him. This isn’t the first time I tell this story, and I still wish that I could go back in time and figure out why was he so destroyed.. it was war after all; It was long ago, the year when the war was at its beginnings. Desperation was on everyone’s faces, and each woman was being overwhelmed by fear for her husband’s life. I wasn’t going to let your grandpa get in the fight, I was too afraid for his life… on other words, I was a chicken. Lack of courage, fear for his life, and so I locked the doors to our house and I threatened him that if he would dare to leave, that would surely be the last time he’d ever set foot in that house. He didn’t seem scared and at the beginning he paid attention to what I said. Just to be sure, I took all the keys in bed with me and stuck them under the pillow. Your grandpa was cunning, he let me fall asleep and then he opened one of the windows in the bathroom, the only ones that had no keys in the entire house, and he went to fight with his friends, his childhood gang. I didn’t hear a thing. He just sneaked out without the slightest sound. I slept through the entire night. You should’ve seen my face in the morning when I woke up. I was always waking up with my face on his chest, counting every beat of his heart until he would wake up too. That morning was… unbearably scary, that’s how it was. All the keys were under my pillow, I checked twice, and after that I remembered the windows in the bathroom and went there: of course they were opened. My entire sanity collapsed. I got out on the street still on my pajamas, calling out his name as loud as I could. A neighbor heard my screams and came to me as quickly as he could, taking me inside the house and telling me that yelling wasn’t going to do much. I fainted. A half hour later when I came to my senses, my neighbor was still next to me. The huge door in the front opened and your grandpa came inside the house, limping, his left foot covered in blood right from the knee to the ankle, carrying Max’s body in his back. I will never forget Alec’s face, because he never was more scared than in that day. I forgot about everything, about how I was going to yell at him as soon as he got in the house. I was just happy that he returned alive to me. I wasn’t sure that Max was dead or alive, but by Alec’s face, his best friend ever was no longer between the living ones.”
“Who’s Max, grandma? You never told me about him… was he a friend of my grandpa or was he just a fellow who got stuck in the war just as grandpa Alec?”, asked the girl, trying to remember a friend of her grandpa, who’s name had been Max, but failed to do so.
“They had always been friends, and they were together ever since their mothers gave them birth at the same hospital, in the same day. Just looking at Alec’s face, his blue eyes covered with tears, just like the sea getting sick of her waves and throwing them away to the shore, I didn’t know what to say. I just asked…

Was there much pain?”

[This was made for a writing prompt]

Narcissus in Heaven

Well, how are things in Heaven? Is it nice and cozy there, in the garden of Narcissus, where the sun shines all day long and the clouds never spoil your beautiful sky? Is the water mirror-like enough for you to admire your flawless beauty? Is the grass soft enough for you to lay your perfect body on her emerald surface? Is the day bright enough for you to see your sparkling teeth like in an Orbit advertisement? Is the air warm enough for you to wear just a sheer dress underneath which hide your perfect forms? Is the wind non-existent for your flawless hair to fall in a waterfall on your beautifully shaped and smooth shoulders?  
Are these things happening? Or are you as I thought, a shallow being, frustrated of her nothingness, hiding behind her home-made perfect mask? Are you as I saw right from the beginning of your ending? The fifth wheel of the car that is damaged since the day it was made?
You might ask me if I`m done with all my questions, but then again, do that and I just might forget that I hate violence and I`d slap your all so perfect face.
I`m trembling inside! My soul, imprisoned by these four walls, is trapped in silence. It’s caught between the parameters of this quiet and hostile universe. It would yell if it would have a mouth, it would bite your soul right to the core if it would have teeth, it would shout at your ears if it would have vocal chords, it would snap you out of your outstanding narcissism and kick your ass until you would be completely out of this hideous spell.
  I remember you as you used to be: a child soul inside a young girl's body, waiting for years to pass to show your true identity. I sincerely admit that I didn't know that it will come to this. I never foresaw that a day will come when you`ll have inside your soul such an admiration for yourself that you`ll forget that you once hated the “I`m perfect” persons, and become one of them. How could you change so much? How could you forget the plans we made together?
  I`m frustrated, caught in indecision's claws. We're at the doorstep of the two worlds, none of us seem to leave its security, ‘cause this doorstep is the only place where we can coexist as friends. This doorstep, our only ally, is now hanging by a thread. It's situated in the middle of our universe. My side of the door emanates warmth, sun rays, friendship, things like “I`ll always be there for you”, “I`m your friend no matter what”, “Remember that awesome day when we… ?” and so many other things that I wish you could just recall on, so you could change your mind. Your side of the door emanates nothingness, shallow feelings, loser wannabes, the poisonous smoke of a midnight cigarette, the venom of the second day hangover, all the steps of the process in which you`ll surely lose yourself. 
  Come back into the light, the sun needs you, shallowness won't miss you, it has endless devotees. 
    I`m waiting…

My Amadeo.

Blue eyes that made my sky out of pure nothing

Sharp claws got stuck in my arms to feel a safety net

I swear I didn't see him coming

And here's to Amadeo, my all`time favorite pet >:D<

[ These photos mark his evolution ever since my cousin brought him home]

Budapesta

Sibiu