Denying the sun

I think it must’ve been easy to solve our issues the way you did. Cowardly, you abandoned the stage of our love theater and you left me behind as an incomplete actress with a poor and single role… this fake happiness doesn’t fit me, you know that and still you left!!! I remained here, confronting the nightmares of a life without you, fighting with the sadness that is damaging my system every day. I stayed here in this universe that has ceased to function by the laws of nature from the moment you stepped out of it. 
Tell me what should I do to escape the love I feel for you. I would rip my heart from my chest if I could survive without it. Society lacks noble feelings, so if I rip my heart off and feed people with the love inside it, they would surely be grateful for it. This feeling seems to have its own life since it grew for you, it needs its own planet. I would give it to the ones that need love like they need to breathe. People that would gladly receive it, that wouldn’t throw it away, leaving it to rot like you did. This amount inside me would be a lifetime supply if it would turn into air. I don’t need that kind of air, not that much, because I feel it chocking me each day. I want it out of me!
Give me back my peaceful days! The ones in which I could’ve rest in full serenity without thinking of your sea-like eyes. The ones where I didn’t need to recall your face in my mind or to cross my fingers between the strands of your hair with its rye sweet color just to get anxious, happy, dreamy, all ruined and deceived by your complete absence.
I want to be able to get this love out from me. It’s like a plasma field around my being, just like the skin that covers my body. I wish that it could be a two pieces outfit, so that I could wear one at a time. I’ve been thinking and maybe I could handle half of it. At least I could try…
You are the one that has stripped me of my sanity, surrounding me with all this love and then leaving me like nothing has ever happened between us.
At the end of the day I may have changed my mind. I wouldn’t give up my love for you. It’s unbearable to even think about it. You’re my all, my reason to be me, myself and I.

Bitter memories

“Was there much pain?” the girl asked climbing on her grandmother’s knees. “Tell me, please, because I want to know. My grandpa wasn’t always like this, I`m sure of that. Sometimes, looking in his eyes I can see joy, peace, even though one second later it turns into grief and melancholia. It isn’t fair, he shouldn’t be like this!”
“I know, darling, I totally agree with you”, said grandma as she received her niece in her arms. “Alec wasn’t always like this, and it’s been years since that tragedy happened, but he isn’t a fast healer. I actually can say that he isn’t a healer at all. He can never forget what happens, not even time can help him. This isn’t the first time I tell this story, and I still wish that I could go back in time and figure out why was he so destroyed.. it was war after all; It was long ago, the year when the war was at its beginnings. Desperation was on everyone’s faces, and each woman was being overwhelmed by fear for her husband’s life. I wasn’t going to let your grandpa get in the fight, I was too afraid for his life… on other words, I was a chicken. Lack of courage, fear for his life, and so I locked the doors to our house and I threatened him that if he would dare to leave, that would surely be the last time he’d ever set foot in that house. He didn’t seem scared and at the beginning he paid attention to what I said. Just to be sure, I took all the keys in bed with me and stuck them under the pillow. Your grandpa was cunning, he let me fall asleep and then he opened one of the windows in the bathroom, the only ones that had no keys in the entire house, and he went to fight with his friends, his childhood gang. I didn’t hear a thing. He just sneaked out without the slightest sound. I slept through the entire night. You should’ve seen my face in the morning when I woke up. I was always waking up with my face on his chest, counting every beat of his heart until he would wake up too. That morning was… unbearably scary, that’s how it was. All the keys were under my pillow, I checked twice, and after that I remembered the windows in the bathroom and went there: of course they were opened. My entire sanity collapsed. I got out on the street still on my pajamas, calling out his name as loud as I could. A neighbor heard my screams and came to me as quickly as he could, taking me inside the house and telling me that yelling wasn’t going to do much. I fainted. A half hour later when I came to my senses, my neighbor was still next to me. The huge door in the front opened and your grandpa came inside the house, limping, his left foot covered in blood right from the knee to the ankle, carrying Max’s body in his back. I will never forget Alec’s face, because he never was more scared than in that day. I forgot about everything, about how I was going to yell at him as soon as he got in the house. I was just happy that he returned alive to me. I wasn’t sure that Max was dead or alive, but by Alec’s face, his best friend ever was no longer between the living ones.”
“Who’s Max, grandma? You never told me about him… was he a friend of my grandpa or was he just a fellow who got stuck in the war just as grandpa Alec?”, asked the girl, trying to remember a friend of her grandpa, who’s name had been Max, but failed to do so.
“They had always been friends, and they were together ever since their mothers gave them birth at the same hospital, in the same day. Just looking at Alec’s face, his blue eyes covered with tears, just like the sea getting sick of her waves and throwing them away to the shore, I didn’t know what to say. I just asked…

Was there much pain?”

[This was made for a writing prompt]

Narcissus in Heaven

Well, how are things in Heaven? Is it nice and cozy there, in the garden of Narcissus, where the sun shines all day long and the clouds never spoil your beautiful sky? Is the water mirror-like enough for you to admire your flawless beauty? Is the grass soft enough for you to lay your perfect body on her emerald surface? Is the day bright enough for you to see your sparkling teeth like in an Orbit advertisement? Is the air warm enough for you to wear just a sheer dress underneath which hide your perfect forms? Is the wind non-existent for your flawless hair to fall in a waterfall on your beautifully shaped and smooth shoulders?  
Are these things happening? Or are you as I thought, a shallow being, frustrated of her nothingness, hiding behind her home-made perfect mask? Are you as I saw right from the beginning of your ending? The fifth wheel of the car that is damaged since the day it was made?
You might ask me if I`m done with all my questions, but then again, do that and I just might forget that I hate violence and I`d slap your all so perfect face.
I`m trembling inside! My soul, imprisoned by these four walls, is trapped in silence. It’s caught between the parameters of this quiet and hostile universe. It would yell if it would have a mouth, it would bite your soul right to the core if it would have teeth, it would shout at your ears if it would have vocal chords, it would snap you out of your outstanding narcissism and kick your ass until you would be completely out of this hideous spell.
  I remember you as you used to be: a child soul inside a young girl's body, waiting for years to pass to show your true identity. I sincerely admit that I didn't know that it will come to this. I never foresaw that a day will come when you`ll have inside your soul such an admiration for yourself that you`ll forget that you once hated the “I`m perfect” persons, and become one of them. How could you change so much? How could you forget the plans we made together?
  I`m frustrated, caught in indecision's claws. We're at the doorstep of the two worlds, none of us seem to leave its security, ‘cause this doorstep is the only place where we can coexist as friends. This doorstep, our only ally, is now hanging by a thread. It's situated in the middle of our universe. My side of the door emanates warmth, sun rays, friendship, things like “I`ll always be there for you”, “I`m your friend no matter what”, “Remember that awesome day when we… ?” and so many other things that I wish you could just recall on, so you could change your mind. Your side of the door emanates nothingness, shallow feelings, loser wannabes, the poisonous smoke of a midnight cigarette, the venom of the second day hangover, all the steps of the process in which you`ll surely lose yourself. 
  Come back into the light, the sun needs you, shallowness won't miss you, it has endless devotees. 
    I`m waiting…

My Amadeo.

Blue eyes that made my sky out of pure nothing

Sharp claws got stuck in my arms to feel a safety net

I swear I didn't see him coming

And here's to Amadeo, my all`time favorite pet >:D<

[ These photos mark his evolution ever since my cousin brought him home]

Budapesta

Sibiu

Spring's finally here

Creaţie proprie

Viperelor 
 
În întunericul peşterii, vipere ce vor să pară adormite
Mă privesc neîncetat, iţesc capul uimite.
Lăcaşul lor exclusivist
Nu mai primeşte membri.
Nu-mi pare rău, nu-s trist.

Şi rând pe rând, încet şi-arată colţii ascuţiţi
Şi mândre îmi arată semnul lor regal,
Dar ochii mei privesc nedumeriţi,
Căci, sincer, nu văd rostul unui semn special.

Văd mult mai clar acum, sunt pline de venin,
Ascunse în întuneric de fapt se-neacă-n propriul lor amar.
Ies din peşteră şi ceru-mi pare mai senin.
Sufletu-mi acum e mai curat,
Şi gândurile negre se pierd, tentaţiile dispar.