Coldness, that’s what she felt. These shivers which she had in some mornings when she was getting out of bed were chilling her soul once more. This was getting kind of annoying. Nightmares waking her up in the middle of the night, anger thoughts passing through her mind in the blink of an eye, making her a volcano filled with hot lava. It wasn’t the first time, and Alec was the only one who knew her moods, but still, this was one of the worse she had experimented. She felt the urge to scream, to reproach issues, to scream again, to hit and cut mentally through someone. She got out of bed, got slippers in her feet [“Cold feet is all I need right now” she added sarcastically] and went in the living room where she found him sitting in his favorite red armchair, with the laptop on his lap. He was searching for something so intensively that he wasn’t paying attention when she came in, so she felt the urge to raise her voice, tilting one eyebrow up:“Morning, darling!”
“Good morning, sweetie! You got up early… why?” he said, as he uplifted his head, waiting for his usual sweet morning kiss. He saw that she was upset, but the stuff he had been looking on the internet was just about to be found and he was sure that it would have cheered her up. He was planning on proposing her right on Valentine’s day, which was today, a perfect day, right as his beautiful and perfect girlfriend, who unfortunately was always insecure when it came to her qualities. Alec knew that she had days when she was waking up and made a drama out of nothing, so an upset face meant that today was one of those days.
“Crap… can’t you just be normal? I`m waking up, my being mentally torn apart and you are waiting for a kiss! Can’t you just ask me why I`m angry about?”
“No, I`m not!” he said, grinning his teeth, still with his face blocked by the information he needed to find on the Internet. He was searching for the perfect place to spend their weekend far away from the real world. “First of all, because you`ll tell me anyway, love! And second of all because I`m sure it’ll pass eventually. It always does!” he said, continuing to search on and on through the online pages.
Carmen was fully pissed off because the shivers were still there and she released her entire rage on her beloved trying to escape from them, like they were some ghosts following her.
“I`m here and I love you even though there’ll always be a girl running after you, trying to steal you away from me, even though you like to blabber things about being the best and so on. I love you with all your flaws! Just this time, be normal and ask me why I`m angry about!” she said.
“Normal? What the heck does normal mean? No one’s normal when it comes to love. You’re reproaching me that I have flaws? Ok, so I have flaws. Leave them behind! You’re making a mess out of nothing! You’re creating chaos right in the middle of our calm. It’s February, it’s winter and it’s Valentine’s Day. I want to feel your warmth, I`m cold. Could you just forget my flaws for one day so we could rejoice this day in peace?” he said.
“I`m pathetic… how could someone like you be loved by someone like me?” Carmen said, angry for her incompetency to stop, even though she wanted to. Those shivers were still giving her the creeps, although now, they changed her temperature, burning her system from head to toes.
“Ok, you started it, let’s continue then Mrs. Perfection!” he said as he rose up from the armchair he was resting. He wasn’t going to fight, but he knew her very well, and by the looks of it, Carmen’s anger wasn’t going to finish so fast, so he finally decided to let her pour it out. He slowly closed the laptop and sat it on the little table next to the armchair as he went in front of her, looking at her right in the eyes.
“I`m not saying that I`m perfect! That’s far from my point! So damn far that it could be similar with you staying at the shore and the problem that I`m talking about would be in the middle of the ocean!”.
“Well… let me go there and drown myself. Maybe then I`ll find your point!”
“I`m not happy saying this, trust me, I ain’t, but I`ve had it! You can’t possibly love me! I`m not skinny like all those supermodels you watch on TV or as beautiful as a girl from a cover magazine. I`m me and “me” is who loves you more than anything in this world, but I don’t think that “me” is enough for you ”replied Carmen strengthening the acid in the voice as she said the last phrase.
“Did I ask you to be a supermodel? Did I say: Carmen, be a model? I don’t care if you’re not skinny as them! I don’t care if you`re not on a cover of a magazine, I wouldn’t share you with the rest of the world. How could I not keep just for myself these little two melted chocolate candies hidden behind your fragile lids, which seem to seal your soul from all the malice in the world?? Would you share me with anyone else?”
“No! I would never share these two pieces of a lapis lazuli stone, washed in a deep ocean of tenderness, half hidden under your thick dark rye eyebrows that sometimes look at me like I`m the only one in the world that they would want to see. I wouldn’t… They’re part of the being I most love. But you’re not me! How can I be sure of your love if all you do is talk about my beauty? You said you loved my hair each and every time you weaved strands of it, breathing it in as you put your face in it. I don’t need to say anything about yours, because I curl my fingers in that field of rye each time I have the chance, each time your hands are around my waist as we curl our bodies in a tender kiss. You said you loved me for who I am, because I`m beautiful and because of my eyes that seem to glow each time I smile. Appearance, that’s all that is when it comes to you!” Carmen ended her speech, gasping for air, ‘cause she had none. She realized that the shivers were passing slowly away.
“You’re being paranoiac, love! I never tell you why I love you ‘cause I`m too afraid to admit that you’re the world to me. As for the girls who chase after me, I could say that I`m glad that you were one of them, or else we would’ve never had the chance to know each other. I was too shy to tell you that I liked you from the first time I saw you. I was lucky that you chose me.” Alec said, putting one hand around Carmen’s waist, pulling her closer to him. That was always a way of calming her inside chaos.
Carmen was already feeling better. She had no idea why she was so angry to start with but his sea-like eyes were warming her inside, and her bad mood passed completely. She was about to kiss him, but then she looked into his eyes, and they felt shy… somehow. Fear of a failure was written on their blue surface and she had no idea why.
“Why are you scared? You’ve already calmed me down as you always do. I guess I have to be thankful for you knowing my temper as well as you do. Everyone so far, except you, has troubles with my bad moods. I think you’re immune. So… why the frightened eyes? Have I finally crossed your patience line? Am I in trouble?”
Alec looked at her, quite amused of her so quickly changing moods. He was used to it, but it was still very funny. Carmen was such a delight, even with her anger, even with the problems of her self-esteem. He had the ring hidden in the socks drawer, underneath them, but he had to let go of her in order to get it, and he was sure that she would’ve been shocked and that she would’ve misinterpreted if he left in that moment. Well… it was worth a try. He pulled himself from her, and ran so he could return faster. Carmen was shocked, shocked like she had never been before. “He finally got tired of me, and he can’t bare my scenes anymore” Carmen thought as she crashed on the floor, with her eyes drowning in tears.
Alec came as fast as he could. He expected her to think that way, but he also expected her to get over it as soon as she would see the ring.
“Carmen, hey, Carmen, get up! I want to show you something!”
“Leave me alone”, Carmen said, keeping her eyes on the floor. “Why did you come back? Just to tell me you’re leaving? Leave if you want, but don’t ask me to watch the love of my life go away just because of my stupid mistakes, ‘cause I won’t. I can’t!”
“Carmen!!! Look at me!”
When she finally got up from the floor, her face was soaked in tears and she was still looking at the floor. She didn’t have the guts to look him in the eyes knowing that it would be the last time she would have the chance to do it.
As she got up, to her surprise, Alec got down in one knee. She got stuck… where the hell had she seen the boy standing in one knee and the girl standing up? Alec gave her no time to think, no time to realize that she had her hand about to be asked. He said just six simple words that were about to turn her life upside down:
“Would you be my forever Valentine?”
